"Fogging" is the critical communication skill you need this holiday season
It’s holiday season!!!
Or, if you’re like many people, you may be thinking “oy, it’s holiday season….”
Why the sense of dread? Because while get-togethers can mean great food, laughter, and even presents (I would like an e-bike, BTW), they can also mean tense conversations on divisive issues.
Maybe you have an uncle who is adamant that the war in the Middle East is x’s fault (and solving for “x” is impossible).
Perhaps your sister keeps asking when you’re going to finally find a new job, which makes you feel even worse about your job.
Or your friend really wants you to try their new fabulous healthy living plan, which is different from the one they pitched you last year, or the year before that.
And while folks may mean well, that doesn’t mean you have to sit there and suffer through discussions that bring you anxiety, anger, or angst.
So what can you do when you feel trapped in a go-nowhere (or worse, go somewhere bad) conversation?
You can fog.
Fogging in a conversation is blurring or obscuring (as if by a fog) your true thoughts, opinions, or positions. You can use it when other people are speaking with you from a place of anger, hostility, defensiveness, or manipulation. Fogging is a strategy to use anytime you’re talking to a particular person or on a particular topic where the conversation will not be productive. It keeps you from engaging without having to tell the other person “I don’t want to talk with you about this” (which is also a valid option).
Here are seven fogging phrases to add to your holiday vocabulary:
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“You might be right.”
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“You’ve given me something to think about.”
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“A lot of people agree with you.”
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“Interesting.”
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“Thanks for telling me.”
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“Huh.”
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“Yup.”
And then, get up and make yourself useful (and feel more respected) somewhere else.
Of course, honestly speaking your truth is one option. It’s also an option to decline a holiday invitation that you anticipate will cost you your dignity or sanity.
But if you’re stuck seated between a conspiracy theorist and a diet devotee who want you to join their cult way of life, use fogging to protect your peace of mind.