When someone brings up a controversial topic at work, most of us fantasize about diving under our desks or suddenly developing an urgent need to attend to our emails (or at least I do). Why? Because we're afraid of saying the wrong thing, hurting someone's feelings, or ending up in a conversation we can't navigate safely back to shore.

But let’s face it: Those uncomfortable conversations aren't going away. In fact, some days it can feel like EVERYTHING is a potentially divisive topic. And avoiding them isn't making us better leaders or colleagues. Instead of hiding from these moments, let's learn how to handle them with grace, courage, and a bit of skill.

Before You Jump In

Think of preparing for a difficult conversation like packing for a challenging hike. You need to:

• Check your own emotional weather (Are you ready for this journey?)

• Pack the right supplies (privacy, adequate time, and a clear head)

• Know your route (prepare key points while staying flexible)

• Be ready for detours (because these conversations rarely go as planned)

Create a Safe Trail Together

Start by acknowledging the terrain. Try this: "I know conversations like this can feel tricky, and that's okay. It means we care about getting it right. Before we continue, what ground rules would help us navigate this discussion together?"

This isn't just polite – it's strategic. When people help create the guidelines, they're more likely to follow them.

The Art of Really Listening (Not Just Waiting to Talk)

Here's a challenge: The next time someone expresses a viewpoint that makes you uncomfortable, resist the urge to immediately respond. Instead, get curious. Try

• "What experiences shaped your perspective on this?"

• "Help me understand what matters most to you here."

• "I'm curious about how you came to this view."

When Views Collide (And They Will)

Remember that moment in school when you learned that two lines could be parallel forever and never meet? Some viewpoints are like that – and that's okay. Try:

• "We might see this differently, and I value hearing your perspective."

• "I'm hearing something different from my experience, and I'd like to understand more."

• "What would help you feel respected, even if we don't agree?"

When Emotions Run High

Think of emotions in these conversations like waves – they'll rise and fall naturally. Your job isn't to stop the waves but to:

• Allow quiet moments (silence isn't your enemy)

• Notice emotional weather changes without judgment

• Offer breaks: "This is important stuff. Should we pause for a few minutes (or hours)?"

Build Your Conversational Muscles

Just like you wouldn't run a marathon without training, you can't expect to handle challenging conversations without practice. Create opportunities to:

• Practice these skills in lower-stakes situations

• Reflect on what worked and what didn't

• Learn from the moments that made you squirm

The Language of Bridge-Building

Instead of avoiding potentially controversial topics, build bridges with:

• "I notice we see this differently. And that needs to be ok.”

• "That's a perspective I hadn't considered. Can you tell me more?"

• "What might we both be missing here?"

Final Thoughts

Remember: The goal isn't to become so skilled that these conversations never feel uncomfortable. The goal is to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, to stay engaged when it would be easier to check out, and to keep showing up for the conversations that matter.

The mark of an inclusive workplace isn't the absence of difficult conversations – it's having them anyway, with care, courage, and a commitment to understanding each other better.

(And yes, you can still keep your under-desk hiding spot. I have mine!)